Where’s Thomas?????

“You can decorate absence however you want- but you’re still gonna feel what’s missing.”
― Siobhan Vivian

 

doubting

No one knew I was looking

No one knew I was listening

No one knew, I knew exactly where you were and that you knew where I was but you never came

No one knew I cried for what was not there

No one knew that I had a real life doubting Thomas in my life

No one knew I lost all trust in people because of you

No one knew I secretly envied every relationship other kids had with their fathers

No one knew that I allowed others to love me but I could not give them the same in the return

No one knew when I turned 16 I finally saw your face and I couldn’t allow myself to even look you in your eyes

No one knew my life altered when you told me that you loved me and I cringed even listening to your voice

No one knew that every phone call after that didn’t make it easier I still doubted every one of your words and actions

No one knew that when I got the phone call that you had passed away that I said to myself maybe he can finally rest peacefully

No one knew as the casket closed you took a portion of my heart with you

No one knew that I spent my whole life trying to fill the void of your absence with being everything for everybody until it was no more of me left to GIVE

No one knew I did it because I didn’t want any person to ever feel how I felt so it was easy for people to use me because I had picked up your doubting bloodline

I DOUBTED

I was ever good enough

Pretty enough

Perfect enough

Smart enough

Worthy enough

Until ten years ago my heavenly Father knew it was time to get rid of the doubting bloodline

It took a minute because breaking generational curses through bloodlines can be challenging to let go until you find it in yourself wanting a change..

I am no longer a bastard because I have a Dad…my bloodline has changed!

My inheritance is greater than I could have ever imaged

Your absence had me missing out on what God has given to me for this season of my life

So your daughter is no longer doubting but a true believer that God can do it anything even fill the void of a fatherless child

Angela

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s