“People in this world look at things mistakenly, and think that what they do not understand must be the void. This is not the true void. It is bewilderment..”
Miyamoto Musashi
Have you ever left someone’s presence feeling:
A bit lost?
A bit confused?
A bit dumbfounded?
A bit empty?
Having no words to explain your experience with them
Full of regret!
Full of disbelief!
Full of questions!
It’s called bewilderment and that is the feeling that just came over me!!
Complete Mystification!!!!
“In the serenity and quiet of this lovely place, touch the depths of truth, feel the hem of Heaven. And when you leave, don’t forget why you came…”
― Oksana Rus
One Sunday morning she arose and dressed in her finest clothes and headed to church because she wanted to experience peace on Earth just a little bit longer
She smiled brightly at me and whispered softly in my ear “I love you” because she knew words had power
Never wanting anyone to feel less than special when they were in her presence she treated them with kindness because she knew why she came
Her time was approaching and she knew it but she wouldn’t leave the cage until the right wind could take her to the place she needed to be
As the key slowly turned and the gate began to open she began to feel the freedom of letting go…. and she slowly began to coast like an eagle
Her take off was slow because she was fighting the current to make sure WE were alright however slowly the momentum began to pick up as she went from coasting to soaring
Never forgetting why she came
So I leave you with this thought an eagle knows the purpose for which they have come
They know when to coast and they know when to accelerate…….
Today “our” eagle we celebrate your acceleration !!!!!!
“You can decorate absence however you want- but you’re still gonna feel what’s missing.”
― Siobhan Vivian
No one knew I was looking
No one knew I was listening
No one knew, I knew exactly where you were and that you knew where I was but you never came
No one knew I cried for what was not there
No one knew that I had a real life doubting Thomas in my life
No one knew I lost all trust in people because of you
No one knew I secretly envied every relationship other kids had with their fathers
No one knew that I allowed others to love me but I could not give them the same in the return
No one knew when I turned 16 I finally saw your face and I couldn’t allow myself to even look you in your eyes
No one knew my life altered when you told me that you loved me and I cringed even listening to your voice
No one knew that every phone call after that didn’t make it easier I still doubted every one of your words and actions
No one knew that when I got the phone call that you had passed away that I said to myself maybe he can finally rest peacefully
No one knew as the casket closed you took a portion of my heart with you
No one knew that I spent my whole life trying to fill the void of your absence with being everything for everybody until it was no more of me left to GIVE
No one knew I did it because I didn’t want any person to ever feel how I felt so it was easy for people to use me because I had picked up your doubting bloodline
I DOUBTED
I was ever good enough
Pretty enough
Perfect enough
Smart enough
Worthy enough
Until ten years ago my heavenly Father knew it was time to get rid of the doubting bloodline
It took a minute because breaking generational curses through bloodlines can be challenging to let go until you find it in yourself wanting a change..
I am no longer a bastard because I have a Dad…my bloodline has changed!
My inheritance is greater than I could have ever imaged
Your absence had me missing out on what God has given to me for this season of my life
So your daughter is no longer doubting but a true believer that God can do it anything even fill the void of a fatherless child
“Don’t throw stones at your neighbors if your own windows are glass.”
Benjamin Franklin
Windows
I use to play a game called “I spy” with my little eyes…
One of my favorite memories of my childhood was our big picture window
It had a two way view
You can see me
Or I could see you
Sometimes it was dirty
Sometimes it was clean
But it didn’t stop me from looking it just shifted my view of how I could see
Each time I looked out of the window I made the decision to choose which set of eyes I would use in that moment:
Piercing eyes
Judging eyes
Emphatic Eyes
Crossed Eyes
Rolling Eyes
Condemning Eyes
Loving Eyes
Forgiving Eyes
Sometimes we tend to look through our windows with the wrong mindset
We all have windows in our lives so be careful of the stones you toss
Remember some glass is very fragile and easily broken
And some you can toss a rock off of and it will bounce right off
But either way in the end it will come back and hit you
Food for thought
Shades/blinds are also directional…what is behind your shade?
“You see, the what ifs are as boundless as the stars.”
― Sally Gardner
If you had only 1000 words left to say….
Would they be used to edify or terrify
Would they be used to build up or tear down
Would you say I love you or I hate you
If I spoke to you would you take the time to say hello or continue to just walk by
If I didn’t understand would you take the time to explain
If I said hateful mean things to you would you say I forgive you
Would you say I am sorry
Or it was all a misunderstanding
Or would you scream at me
Or yell foul things at me
Go ahead and ask yourself if I have reached my 999th word what is the last word I would want someone to hear come out of my mouth
Mine would be thankful!!! What would your last word be……
Always take the time to choose your words carefully because you may never know when your last word will be…
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu
Weaken by Pain
Strengthen by Love
Fearful because of Hurt
Courageous because of Love
They loved me enough to push on the painful spots that in turn gave me the strength to move past the pain
They did not physically touch me to invoke more pain they just pressed enough on the sore spot until I decided it was time to find my strength to let it go
When fear tried to overtake me they waited for me with an open hand and a gentle heart as I found my courage to transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly
Step by step my metamorphosis was taking form because I became courageous enough to allow their love to strengthen me
THIS IS HOW I IDENTIFY LOVE
“Joy is the infallible sign of the presence of God.”
― Pierre Teilhard de Chardin
As she sat with her head bowed for so many years
Something inside of her was still allowing her to rise each day
Slowly her head began to rise and the twinkle returned to her eyes
From the depths of her soul
Arose the biggest smile
Because the joy that was once
Lost could now be found
Because she realized that God was there all the time!
The silence depressed me. It wasn’t the silence of silence. It was my own silence. ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
Be afraid…
But..
Scream..
Yell..
Fight..
Tell..
But never be quiet…
Silence is only silence if you stay silent!
“I don’t know what would have happened to me if I hadn’t been able to hear.”
Ray Charles
Sitting in a room filled with hundreds of people but no one saw her…
Living in a home and she was overlooked…..
Such a large family but no one asked about her…
Her tears poured down but no one wiped them…
She was lost in her pain….
She was screaming for help…
They laughed at her…
They teased her…
They belittled her…
In the midst she became bitter…
But she knew that was not her final destination…
She asked God can you see me…..
He answered yes and sent someone who heard her silence and they extended their hand to call her to her moment of FREEDOM!!!!
HIDING but she could HEAR!
written by: 
Pretty Hurts (view YouTube Video)
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” Helen Keller
The first time I heard “hey beautiful” I cried because now the image that had been created by words from people who didn’t know better and my thought pattern over the years was finally erased!
As a child I would study people because I was told so often I was not the correct image because my standards didn’t measure up to all others. I was told I was pretty because my skin was light and my eyes were light but I did not have the right body type. “You would be so pretty if you would just lose a little weight!” I heard this in my family. I heard this in my work place! I heard it even when people didn’t think I could hear them! I heard it in my church! As a young child it hurt and as a result I became an adult that was hurt as well! I suffered from a disease called PERFECTION! I suffered from bulimia! I suffered from insecurity! I put on the best clothes, nails were always done, hair never out of place and I still was not meeting the standards of the WORLD! The words were choking the life out of me.
I watched and prayed for countless children as I was growing and even now into my adulthood because of the standards that are being put on them. One in particular that stood out was Blue Ivy. She was called all kinds of names by adults because of how her hair looked. I look at Lil Kim and how her whole image of self has changed because of the words spoken to her. I look at Michael Jackson and numerous other celebrities and understand that this world has set standards that one can never live up too. We also have celebrities that have these images that people think they have to live up to. Where do we draw the line? Or do we create our own line? We have children killing themselves daily because of these standards. WORDS HURT! Don’t let people set standards pertaining to your LIFE! While I was teaching my child I was learning the same thing!
Most of us are not equipped to handle the words that are used to choke the life out of us! We live in a world full of superficial people of who standards we would never live up to. It is time for us to set our own standards. It is time for us to use our words to help build and not tear down. Teach your children the difference between pretty and beautiful! When you do this you are also teaching them the difference between healthy and unhealthy! Anything that is causing a person to die slowly on the inside it isn’t healthy. This is not a fat or skinny thing! This is not a black or white thing! This is not a poor or rich thing! It’s not a girl thing or a boy thing! This is a HUMAN thing!
I did everything I could do to live up to the standards of others until I realized there was a difference between pretty and beautiful.
I never understood that beauty was skin deep until I met two people who looked past my outside and told me what I looked like on the inside. Well into my adulthood words that were spoken from my youth were still holding me hostage. They were able to explain that being pretty can fade away but what is on the inside is what really counts. They were used by God to show me my heart! They helped develop me into what I was called to do! I love being me! The PRETTY vs. BEAUTIFUL battle is now over!
#prettybeautifulmoment
Now don’t get me wrong I still think it is necessary to keep yourself clean and presentable but now it is according to the standards that I set for myself and not someone else. Now when I looked at myself in the mirror I know longer see the girl trying to be pretty I see the woman who is beautiful! My life changed the moment my mindset did!
Using Your Tool for Good! 