You decide…..

“There are two kinds of fears: rational and irrational- or in simpler terms, fears that make sense and fears that don’t.”
― Lemony Snicket

Rational: based on reason or logic

Irrational: not logical or reasonable

Fear can get the best of us….

What causes a grown person to turn into a gold medalist track star when they see a spider? What causes a person with limited one-sided thinking to all of a sudden become a Phd holder in a subject because they think they know it all? What cause an individual to stay in the home and never want to leave their home? What causes people to make hate comments about someone else? What causes people to turn their backs on the very people who have helped them?

FEAR of..

being right

being wrong

being loved

being scared

rejection

of death

of living

I could go on and on with the “what causes” questions but all the answers would be the same and the answer would be “fear.”  FEAR (False Evidence Appearing Real)! Late summer and early fall somehow someway centipedes always find their way into my bathroom in the middle of the night. The night light is on and of course at 2 or 3 am your eyes can play tricks on you. However, my eyes always seems to zoom in on the spider with millions of legs looking at me. First reaction is panic and then it’s fight or flight. My option is always flight and I pray I don’t have to use the bathroom again before anyone else gets up in the morning so they can kill it first. (When I look back it really is amusing)

So I ask myself was that rational fear or irrational fear. HMMMMMM in my mind it is rational fear because in my eyes it’s a killer bug that is going to take me out. But in retrospect my fears are irrational because the bug is running just as fast as I am in the other direction. So we both are scared for our lives and do not know why!!!

Fear is a powerful thing if your allow it overtake you in the wrong way. Irrational fear will cause you to make decisions that you would not make had you been in your right mind. Now do not get me wrong what I may think is irrational someone else may think it is rational in their mind and vice versa. When I was maybe 23 or 24 my best friend from high school died at the age of 25. With me not understanding completely what was going on in her body and the medical conditions she had I ceased living because I had fear that I would not make it to 25 either. I was careful and cautious of every move I made and was just waiting for my life to end the same way. My mother died of breast cancer at 48 so again this was a moment of rational fear in my mind that I was going to die the same way so every lump from the age of 30 was a death sentence for me in my mind. I confined myself to one place in my mind because I could not rise above the fear of death.

Another moment of rational fear was when I was in the bank down the street from where I worked with some of my co-workers. I was standing in the teller line and I saw a man outside of the window show me his gun. I told my co-worker and the person in the bank and security was sent out there but he disappeared only to appear again when we were walking across the street to get lunch. Due to the some quick thinking and lots of praying we lost him because he followed us into the restaurant but we quickly darted out of the opposite door. I could have hid and never went outside again or into that bank but that is not how life works so I had to overcome that fear and keep on living.

Living in fear is one of the worse things a person could ever do in life.  It causes you to miss out on life and in a vapor of a second life can end just like that. You decide rather rational or irrational is fear important enough for you to just give up on your dreams. You decide is fear important enough to miss out on living each day to the fullest. You decide if fear is important enough for you to run in the opposite direction of where you should be going (even if it is a spider lol). You decide if fear is important enough for you to miss out on important events. You decide is fear important enough for you to hate someone based on how they look instead of trying to get to know them. You decide if fear is important enough for you to be giving someone the side eye because they are doing what you desire to do!

It is time to face your fears and rise about everything that is keeping you from moving forward!!!

Angela L.

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Eight months in…..

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
― Lao Tzu

Before I knew it the months had just drifted away. At the end of the year and going into a new year your mind is so full of dreams and visions of how you want things to go. Planning and acting goes hand in hand until you realize that one thing out weighed the other and time just seems as it just got away from you. Change is often inevitable and it can throw you for a loop if you let it. Eight months in and I had moments that I felt life I was walking head on into a strong whirlwind.

 

Eight months in….

dreams are still the same

HOWEVER

efforts didn’t line up with dreams

frustration turned into relaxation

motivation left with the time

focus shifted

life changed

people changed

lost love ones

lost friends

lost direction

became discouraged

picked up the fear of failing

THEN

I realized that sitting still changes nothing

Looking back changes nothing

If I wanted something I had to do something different

SO….

I realized…..

That within this eight months I wasn’t the same person because

I forgive more

I love more

I have learned more

I challenged myself more

I made better decision than I have in the previous years

I let things go a lot faster than before

I’m quicker to look pass your mistakes

I’m quicker to ignore imperfections in myself and others

I pray more

I care more

Although my eight months have been questionable it is not how I started that counts what really matters is how I finish!!!

IN it TO win IT

Angela L.

Looking glass

“Where should I go?” -Alice. “That depends on where you want to end up.” – The Cheshire Cat.”
― Lewis Carroll

 

Looking glass

Lost

Once clear

Now cloudy

Can’t see

Searching

No direction

Grasping

Hoping

Seeking guidance

Looked within

Soul searching

Adjusted sight

Clear vision

Shifted Focus

Back on track

No longer lost

It only takes a moment to get off track and it seem like eternity to get back on track.  All that is needed is the shifting of your focus and get back to the place that you left off on!!!

FIND THAT GOOD PLACE!!!

written by Angie

If……….

“You see, the what ifs are as boundless as the stars.”
― Sally Gardner

If you had only 1000 words left to say….

Would they be used to edify or terrify

Would they be used to build up or tear down

Would you say I love you or I hate you

If I spoke to you would you take the time to say hello or continue to just walk by

If I didn’t understand would you take the time to explain 

If I said hateful mean things to you would you say I forgive you

Would you say I am sorry

Or it was all a misunderstanding

Or would you scream at me

Or yell foul things at me

Go ahead and ask yourself if I have reached my 999th word what is the last word I would want someone to hear come out of my mouth

Mine would be thankful!!! What would your last word be……

Always take the time to choose your words carefully because you may never know when your last word will be…

Identifying Love

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
― Lao Tzu

Weaken by Pain

Strengthen by Love

Fearful because of Hurt

Courageous because of Love

 

They loved me enough to push on the painful spots that in turn gave me the strength to move past the pain

They did not physically touch me to invoke more pain they just pressed enough on the sore spot until I decided it was time to find my strength to let it go

When fear tried to overtake me they waited for me  with an open hand and a gentle heart as I found my courage to transform from a caterpillar to a butterfly

Step by step my metamorphosis was taking form because I became courageous enough to allow their love to strengthen me

THIS IS HOW I IDENTIFY LOVE

Silence Speaks!

The silence depressed me.  It wasn’t the silence of silence.  It was my own silence.  ~Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar

Be afraid…

But..

Scream..

Yell..

Fight..

Tell..

But never be quiet…

Silence is only silence if you stay silent!

 

image reference

Pretty vs. Beautiful

Pretty Hurts  (view YouTube Video)

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.”  Helen Keller

The first time I heard “hey beautiful” I cried because now the image that had been created by words from people who didn’t know better and my thought pattern over the years was finally erased!

As a child I would study people because I was told so often I was not the correct image because my standards didn’t measure up to all others. I was told I was pretty because my skin was light and my eyes were light but I did not have the right body type. “You would be so pretty if you would just lose a little weight!” I heard this in my family. I heard this in my work place! I heard it even when people didn’t think I could hear them! I heard it in my church! As a young child it hurt and as a result I became an adult that was hurt as well! I suffered from a disease called PERFECTION! I suffered from bulimia! I suffered from insecurity! I put on the best clothes, nails were always done, hair never out of place and I still was not meeting the standards of the WORLD! The words were choking the life out of me.

I watched and prayed for countless children as I was growing and even now into my adulthood because of the standards that are being put on them. One in particular that stood out was Blue Ivy. She was called all kinds of names by adults  because of how her hair looked. I look at Lil Kim and how her whole image of self has changed because of the words spoken to her. I look at Michael Jackson and numerous other celebrities and understand that this world has set standards that one can never live up too. We also have celebrities that have these images that people think they have to live up to. Where do we draw the line? Or do we create our own line? We have children killing themselves daily because of these standards. WORDS HURT! Don’t let people set standards pertaining to your LIFE! While I was teaching my child I was learning the same thing!

 

Most of us are not equipped to handle the words that are used to choke the life out of us! We live in a world full of superficial people of who standards we would never live up to. It is time for us to set our own standards. It is time for us to use our words to help build and not tear down. Teach your children the difference between pretty and beautiful! When you do this you are also teaching them the difference between healthy and unhealthy! Anything that is causing a person to die slowly on the inside it isn’t healthy. This is not a fat or skinny thing! This is not a black or white thing! This is not a poor or rich thing! It’s not a girl thing or a boy thing! This is a HUMAN thing!

I did everything I could do to live up to the standards of others until I realized there was a difference between pretty and beautiful.

• Pretty  attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.
• Beautiful possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind

I never understood that beauty was skin deep until I met two people who looked past my outside and told me what I looked like on the inside. Well into my adulthood words that were spoken from my youth were still holding me hostage. They were able to explain that being pretty can fade away but what is on the inside is what really counts. They were used by God to show me my heart! They helped develop me into what I was called to do! I love being me! The PRETTY vs. BEAUTIFUL battle is now over!

#prettybeautifulmoment

Now don’t get me wrong I still think it is necessary to keep yourself clean and presentable but now it is according to the standards that I set for myself and not someone else. Now when I looked at myself in the mirror I know longer see the girl trying to be pretty I see the woman who is beautiful! My life changed the moment my mindset did!

Hiding behind masks

“Never be afraid to show people who you really are; healing begins when the masks comes off” Angela Lambert

I am a creature of discipline. Everything is always put strategically where I can easily obtain it even the masks that I wore for years. Masks were a part of my daily outfits because of my insecurities. Where ever  I went I had a mask in waiting so that I could put on the best performance of a life time! I never got an Oscar or an Emmy but I should have been named Best Actress of the Year!

Our lives are performances whether we want to admit it or not. Our jobs, our homes, our churches, banks, and schools are all the places that we put on our best performances. We perform for our families! We perform for our employees! We perform for the world!

People love to see entertainment but that was not the calling I had on my life! I was performing job duties that I wasn’t qualified for.  I am not an actress! I am an imperfect person put in a world full of imperfect people striving for perfection!

TAKE OFF the masks and be FREE!

The Art of Change!

 

“It always seems impossible until it’s done.”

–Nelson Mandela

Starting and stopping is a part of life that we can never get away from. When my child was seven years old she wanted to ride her bike around the corner with her older cousins but I said she had to learn to ride without training wheels first. She got on the bike and started peddling and before she knew it she was riding. The hard part was trying to figure out how to stop once she got started. She made it all the way around the corner with her cousins but once they made it back to the front of the house she realized she didn’t know how to stop. She was so use to riding with training wheels (which was her crutch) she never mastered the art of stopping and she fell to the ground. She screamed and was in a lot of pain because the crutch she was use to was not holding her up anymore. Many of us are holding onto the same temporary support of a crutch.

We feel the ground beneath us and we know we have hit rock bottom but we don’t take the necessary steps to change. Her choices were either to get up and try again or lay there and wallow in pain. Yes her scars are still evident on her knees but it has been eleven years now and she still knows how to ride a bike and she has mastered how to stop as well! It took time but she did it!

You may fall but get back up and keep trying! It will get hard! It will hurt! It will seem like it is not worth it sometimes! You may not see immediate results but keep going. Cry! Scream! Punch a pillow! But don’t stop trying because the end results will always be worth it! Nothing beats a failure but a try; so what are you waiting for. The art of change begins with the first step!

Philippians 4:13

I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.

Mistakes don’t define you!

Learn to admit your mistakes before someone exaggerates your story!

You are the author of your own life story never let anyone tell your story based on reading just a few chapters of your life. They may come in on your intro (no one can ever tell how good a story will be based on the first chapter), they may come on the middle part (just getting to figure yourself out chapter) or they may come in on the ending (never knowing what caused you to behave in the manner that you do). Even the best stories have errors but that never stops you from continuing on especially if you like the book. Never allow a mistake to define how your story will continue.

We live in a world that you can do so many things right and no one notices but when you step outside of the norm and make a mistake it becomes news worthy. Life will always be full of mishaps because those are character building moments but never allow someone to exaggerate your story! Admit when you are wrong and move on. Never let people continue to remind you about a chapter that you have passed already. Remember that is the end of that chapter not the end of your story. Mistakes should make you grow! Mistakes should teach you! Mistakes do not define you! Mistakes are a part of life! Mistakes are forgivable!

If you have someone in your life that will constantly remind you of what you use to be then it is time to close not only that chapter in your life but shut the BOOK and revisit the library!